I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
