I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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