I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
