my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
