You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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