No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
