you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
