first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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