I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
