In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jerry, you need to find god
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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