i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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