my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
