My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
