Just took my morning after pill in the library
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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