every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
