We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
