I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize