wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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