listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
