He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize