I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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