I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
