Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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