I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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