He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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