Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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