You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
