Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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