I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
