You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
