I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
