that's an acceptable place to lick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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