so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
