At least make sure they are 18
Why
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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