I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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