I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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