Cold hands, warm shart.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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