why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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