I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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