Pants 0. Shit 1.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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