Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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