PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
