So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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