flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I did not marry a roomba.
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