If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
