i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
