I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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