I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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