you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
