Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
