Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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