a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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