my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
