I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
