I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
