when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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