so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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