I heard we made out
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
