I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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