Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
