Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
