fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We named our party play list daddy issues
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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