just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
