and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize