Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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