My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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