I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
