i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
