Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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