heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
