my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
