Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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