one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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