He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
