Pants 0. Shit 1.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ttyl tear gas
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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