Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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