You're my little dorito
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm passing your future prison.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
