dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
